Saturday, June 16, 2012

Boba Fett was my First Love (or maybe it should be titled "Confessions of a Weird Girl").

I was three when "Empire Strikes Back" came to theaters and memories of seeing it for the first time are vague. I remember the Wampa cave and the AT-ATs and the dead Tauntaun. Then there are the fuzzy images of the time Luke spent in the swamp with Yoda (whom I enjoyed because I somehow knew he was also the voice of Grover from Sesame Street). Mostly I remember being bored (my apologies to all the die-hard Star Wars fans, I know how sacred "Empire" is for all of you), that is until a certain character made his film debut - Boba Fett (or as I thought he was named - "Bubba Fat").

    I don't know how and I don't know why but I fell in love for the first time in my life. Maybe it was because he was a bounty hunter. Maybe it was because he wore a mask (um, that's not odd). Maybe it was because he was a bad boy (a foretelling of things to come later in life - but don't worry, I married the good guy). Or it could be a combination of the three. Who knows? But I do know that I decided right then and there I would grow up and marry "Bubba Fat".

   Soon after, we paid a visit to our local Toys 'R Us where I picked out my first Star Wars action figure - you guessed it - Boba Fett. I also owned an R2D2 and a Yoda (because he came with that awesome walking stick) but those came by an act of unfair trading with my older (and wiser) brother (who had the entire SW action figure collection by the way).

   I anxiously awaited the next film and in 1983 when "Return of the Jedi" hit theaters, you can only guess what six-year old was there. The movie started with Han Solo being rescued from the frozen carbonite (who cares?) and moved on to the narrow escape from the Rancor (who cares?), then Leia strangled Jabba (who cares?) and finally the battle began where Han (Stupid) Solo shoots off Boba (the Love of my Life) Fett's rocket pack jettisoning him straight into the hungry Sarlacc's mouth. Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  I was devastated. My future husband was dead. How could I go on. I sat there, numb for the rest of the film. Did I care that Yoda died? No. Did I care that that Luke and Leia turned out to be siblings?No. And Vader was their father? No. Did I care about the Ewoks? Actually, I liked them quite a bit. Did I care when Darth Vader hurled the Emporer down the shaft? No. Or when Anakin/Vader died in his son's arms? No, but I was a bit confused that he looked nothing like James Earl Jones when the mask was removed.

  I left the theater heartbroken. My first lesson in love. I would have to go on without Boba, maybe even (dare I say) fall in love again. It took some time but I got over it - the pain of losing him. Sometime later, cupid would pay me another visit - when I walked into my brother's room and saw a KISS poster hanging on his wall. That was the day I discovered the handsome cat-like features of Peter Criss.

  Now you can see why I was torn about what to call this post. And although I am totally over Boba Fett, I was thrilled to hear many years later that in a Star Wars comic book it was revealed that Boba escaped the Sarlacc pit and indeed lived. But like I said, I'm over him. I have since grown up and now have crushes on real people like Captain Jack Sparrow. :)

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